Friday, May 3, 2013

I'm a clean freak in crisis...


I fancy myself a clean freak, well, more like a reasonable clean freak.  One may say that I pretend and role play being one and that mostly I'm just a freak.  Whatever.  Either way, I work hard at pretending that I keep my home decently well.  Apparently I am not as clean as I like to imagine that I am. 


All I know is, I am certain I washed my hands well after applying several coats of Mentholatum Deep heating rub to my husband's back...  and just let me clarify here - they do mean DEEP heating.  Maybe they should have called it 'This will take your mind off your aching back by searing off most of your flesh and severely damaging your nerves' rub (though I have a feeling that the name itself would be to long to fit the tube and may actually deter people from buying the stuff.  Maybe, just maybe, it would save a few people from the skin grafts that I suspect will follow from using it).  Really, a warning that you need a burn permit to use the product might be nice. 


Before you ask, yes, I DID wash my hands with both soap and water, tho apparently my idea of clean has greatly diminished since having kids because as I sit here typing, I'm nearly drooling all over the keyboard.  Why you ask?  Good question.  I honestly don't know.  I believe it may be that invisible force field like residue that was left on my skin after washing, or the fact that my long nails harbored the burning hot ointment up to my mouth, but either way, here I sit with my cheek, lips, and corner of my mouth burning and oddly numb.  I'm drooling terribly... Well it'th thorta hard to thpeak right now becauthe I'm thpitin'  every where.  

Now I question my hand washing skills, which in turn makes me wonder exactly how well I really clean things!  My world is crumbling!  I don't even know myself anymore.  My family now seems destined for a salmonella outbreak from my under cleansed counters, or worse...  Feeling a bit like an episode of 'Hoarders' right now.  Don't touch my stuff...  Eh, maybe not.  I suppose I will just settle with the idea, nothing could have taken this stuff off my skin, tho turpentine might be an option next time.  


Well, for now at least I had better go check on the husband, help him slip into his flame retardant pj's, and see if he is ready for the skin grafts he is bound to need.  That is, I'll check on  him once I go clean those kitchen counters one last time.

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