Thursday, March 6, 2014

Lent, A Mothers (and Fathers) way of Life, The way of Insanity

Everyone is celebrating Lent and are abstaining from some of their favorite things.  While reading these lists I think of how I unintentionally observe lent every day.  I don't actually observe Lent...  You see, I  ALREADY abstain from some of my favorite things... Her is a list of my DAILY Lent-ing.

1.  Pooping without an audience, usually my children who need me to do various tasks or just hold them... while sitting on the toilet... with a crying child, or children.  

2.  Having any drink without an oil slick of previously chewed food grease from my children's last meal.  Or better yet, large chunks of half masticated food marinating at the bottom of my drink.  Mmmmm... Pass!  I wasn't thirsty anyways.

3.  Having impromptu 'alone' time with my husband without the 'knock'.
Dad: "Go away"
Dad: "GO away!"
Micah: "NO I DIDN'T!"
Cat fight of Epic proportions ensues outside the door.
Dad: "Forget it..."

4.  Having a snack.  Yeah, that one speaks for itself and all you moms and dads out there 'get it'.

5.  Putting my coat and shoes on and walking out the door.  Now it is an hour long process of 'find the missing shoe', emotional break downs, the coat "WAS right here!", and forgetting the things I needed to return to the store sitting right next to the door, you know, the WHOLE reason I was getting out in the first place.  

6.  This goes with #5.  A 'quick' run into the store.  Hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahaha.  I guess I should explain instead of just laugh... Ahem...  First there is the kid whose diaper exploded on the way to the store.  Changing the 'septic tank' of all diapers on the van seat, the frantic search for more clothes only to remember you just cleaned out the van and brought in the diaper bag for a good 'go through', finally finding a too small shirt and no pants for the child (who doesn't like the glares from the 'good parents' out there while walking through the store with your half naked offspring?).  Only to fill your basket and have another child "NEED TO GO NOW!", so you abandon your cart, truck your half naked child and small brood to the bathroom, trying your darndest to keep the small herd moving, and keeping the lions from dragging away the straggler at the back of the pack who touches everything through the produce isle, and have the aforementioned 'needing to pee-er' only drip into the pot.  Aaaaaahhhh, oh how I love run on sentences and mixed metaphors. ;)

7.  Clean the house.  Ever clean a room and confidently move onto the next room, only to have the 'ninja destroyers' come into the pristine room and within SECONDS utterly destroy 2 hours of work.  They actually attend a specialized ninja school of destruction to be able to accomplish this.  It requires a blue belt... blue, for my tears... 

8.  Have a day where someone doesn't laugh at poop, gas, or farts.  Well... it is kinda funny!

9.  Talk on the phone.  I don't enjoy talking on the phone but I've noticed that it is IMPOSSIBLE with small children.  Same as the 'alone time' with my hubbs you get strange things happening... "MOM FIFI IS STANDING IN THE TOILET!" "AND SOMEONE DIDN'T FLUSH!"  Well then... everything seems to be in order here...  This one has been true, on a number of occasions... *Face palm.   And literally happened within seconds of being 'preoccupied'.  I promise I wasn't hiding in my closet either, at least not that time ;)

10.  Never be Alone.  I will never go a day without being told "I love you".  I will never go a day without my bouquets of weeds, or cry without hugs, kisses, and lovins.  I will never go without caring and silliness.  I will never go without mudpies and sledding, without tickles and laughter.  And those are things I COULDN'T go without!

I will end on:
11.  Blog in peace!

I could go on and on but one of the kids just microwaved a piece of toast with peanut butter and I need to go open a window to let out the smoke ;)

*Please note, this is just for silliness, I value greatly my children and although they do 'change' your life, I have found they are well worth it!!!   Also, this is NOT a knock on Lent.  It is not intended to make fun of or make small of those who observe Lent. :) Again, this is just an attempt at silliness.

What sort of things can YOU add to this list???

Peace out, Brandy