Home made Waffles and Syrup

I am on a crusade to learn to make nearly everything we eat from scratch and although this doesn't add time to our day, it lets me sleep better knowing that I am feeding my family healthier foods, free of harmful preservatives and additives and I can actually control what goes into our bodies.  
 

My breakfast and enjoying pretty flowers given to me by my good friend Kim!

The Bible tells us that 'It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.' Matthew 15:11  It goes on in that chapter to talk about what goes into the stomach is eliminated but out of man's heart proceed all manner of wicked things.  I add this merely to say, although I want to feed my family as healthy as I can, it is not a god set before us to be all consumed with.  If I, for convenience  sake, pick something up at McD's (yuck) than I will not feel guilty and I will not be sinning to do so.  I feel that to often as believers we set up mini gods that we put as all important when the scriptures do not make 'healthy eating' as important as we do.  

BUT, I do believe it is a very worthwhile cause (feeding our families healthy) and that we will reap blessing from the Lord if we do so.  I feel that I have been intrusted with this small herd of people that I need to care for spiritually, emotionally, and physically which in part means keeping those little bodies healthy.  :)  The best way to do that and to fend off health issues we have here is to cook from scratch as much as possible.  Even for me as a mommy, the healthier I am, the better I can fulfil my role He has set before me to care for the needs of my family.  I can not do that if I am sick and unhealthy from bad food choices.  End of that story and stepping down on my milk crate.

Anyway...  Waffles are a daily part of our diet so finding a recipe that my children enjoy as much as they do these waffles was a real bonus.  Who wants to try to cram down their children's throats food they do not want to eat even if it is healthy?  AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!  Besides, they wiggle a lot and it is terribly hard to get them to hold still as you stuff the food in their faces!  Wiggly little varmints! 

Waffles with strawberry syrup.

 This is not one of my healthier recipes at least the syrup isn't but the waffles can be made with all white flour or a mix of white and wheat... which is what I use.

By the way, these I also double and triple the batch and freeze.  They freeze and reheat quite wonderfully.  I must confess it is so nice to have them on hand when I don't feel like cooking in the morning, or even sometimes at lunch, well, for that matter, sometimes at dinner as well.   Nearly every recipe here is great for making ahead and freezing.   

Out of this World Waffles

2 1/2 cups flour or (1 1/4 cup white & 1 1/4 wheat flour)
1 tbs plus 1 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp salt
1 1/2 tbs sugar
2 large eggs, beaten
2 1/2 cups milk
3/4 cup oil (I use canola)

Combine first 4 ingredients in large bowl.  Add eggs, milk, and oil into flour mixture.  Mix until just combined (all dry ingredients are moistened).  Do not over mix as this will cause the waffles to stick to waffle iron.  Cook in a preheated waffle iron until golden (approx 2.5 - 3 minutes).  If you freeze these then when ready to serve take out and heat in toaster.  Enjoy!


Home made Maple Syrup

1 cup water
2 cups sugar
1/2 teaspoon maple flavoring

Bring water to boil in saucepan.  Add sugar and flavoring.  Boil for 2 minutes, stirring often.  Remove from heat and serve warm or cold from fridge.  Store in container in fridge.

 

Cold slushy Strawberry syrup...  mmmm!

You can also make strawberry syrup which my children LOVE!  Just add approx 10 frozen strawberries (or fresh if you happen to have them on hand) + 1 cup syrup into blender or food processor and process until well blended.  This will make a thick slushy like syrup my kids like well, but equally, you can thaw the strawberries and give it  a more pourable consistency, which I prefer.  

Try them.  You'll like them, your kids will beg you for them, and you can feel good that they just consumed less preservatives.  

Happy Baking!
 
 

The Secret Cookie Recipe... Shhhhhh!

Once upon a time not so very long ago I received about 500 SPAM e-mails claiming to contain a cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus that had cost something of a small fortune.  Although I love a good cookie recipe there was no way I was going to try this recipe.  I was convinced that the recipe was someones cruel joke to make the masses use up A LOT of pantry staples on a recipe that would most likely flop.  Lots and LOTS of pantry staples but reluctantly I had to try it.  Not sure why... was it the fact that 9,000 of my dear friends all thought it important to send me the same 'forward', whether it was the fact that my 'spam' folder that accumulated these e-mails called out to me for rest, or whether it was that  it called for both white and brown sugar and more butter than Paula Dean consumes in a month, either way, I had to try it.  Well, it was really, really GOOD!  Huz Ha! 

 There were adjustments I had to make, after all, I am a better cook than those who work for Neiman-Marcus.  Ah hem, (picture me polishing my fingernails on my shoulder - and completely lying to make myself better here).  Well, the adjustments definitely put this cookie over the top.  Yummers!  I will share with you my Spammers Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies!  Get it?  Spammers??  Okay, okay, whatever.

You will see that this cookie recipe is quite large and although it may seem intimidating, make the whole thing, don't halves it, tho you can.  You will be sad if you don't (peer pressure... peer pressure - reminding some of you of high school?)  These bad boys freeze WONDERFULLY and thaw soft and chewy!!!  So go ahead, and do it... everyone else is!

Spammers Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies

2 cups Butter
2 cups Brown Sugar
2 cups Sugar
4 cups blended Oatmeal (the finer you get this, the better)
4 cups Flour
2 tsp Baking Soda
2 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Salt 
2 tsp vanilla
4 eggs
12 oz chocolate chips blended (or you could use 6 tbs Cocoa Powder)
another 12 oz Chocolate Chips

Measure and blend oatmeal into a fine powder.  
Cream butter with both sugars.  Add eggs and vanilla.
In separate bowl mix blended oatmeal, flour, soda,  baking powder, blended chocolate chips, and salt.
The Neiman-Marcus version calls for 3 cups nuts.  No thanks.  I love nuts but not in this recipe.  
Add drys into the wets and mix well.  Once combined stir in the remaining chocolate chips. Roll into balls or do it my way and use you melon baller to make them.
Bake for 10 minutes ONLY at 375 degrees.  This makes approx 150 cookies.

Tips:
Don't overcook these.  Only cook till they begin to look a little faint cracks on top.  Let them cool for a few minutes on cookie sheet then transfer over to parchment paper or cooling racks.

Also, if you make the whole recipe you will need to cover your bowl of cookie dough with a wet (not dripping) paper towel to keep it from drying out.  

A little more on my melon baller.  My Mother-in-law gave me this cool melon baller.  I would grieve and hold a funeral if something were to ever befall this tool.  It came with the sharpest of knives to cut watermelon or bread or whatever.  I have been using this knife for years on all manner of things and it is still crazy sharp.  Here is a link where to buy this one.  Well worth the money!

Okay, disclaimer time.  Although this cookie is crazy yummy, it also laden with lots of sugar so it is bound to have a lot of calories!  You are gonna have to have some self control here.  So right away, leave out 3 cookies for yourself, 2 cookies each for each of your children, and approx 8 cookies for the hubbs (my man can eat) and 2 by 2 put the cookies into little sandwich or snack size baggies.  Freeze!!!  

These are fun to give the kiddos frozen - a nice treat when it's hot out and is super chewy yumminess when you thaw them out.  While frozen you can make ice cream sandwiches by adding vanilla ice cream to the middle and refreezing.  I will do a tutorial on these soon.  Most amazing and beautiful treats! 

 My family unfortunately went through 150 cookies in about 3 days because I didn't freeze ours.  Lesson learned.  Fat family!  My husband told me he ate about 60... he wasn't kidding. 

Leaving the 99 for the 1- Jesus teaches love and forgiveness Free Puppet Craft

If you missed it, we home school around these here parts.  A large part of that is having projects that aid the children in remembering lessons whether it be Bible stories, science, or just stories we read together.  Though the cirriculum we use we LOVE http://heartofdakota.com/- we add in a few art projects to drive home what we would like them to really retain.

I am offering some of what I have complied for my children to you to use with your little ones, free of charge.  These lessons and crafts are nothing special but they work well with my kids.  If it is a Bible story there will be references that you can read to your child prior to the craft and usually I will have links to short videos from Youtube.com.  I've done all the research and complied everything you should need to teach a lesson they will not forget.  They learn by doing (art), visual (video), and audio (story telling by you).  All of these short films I include here, I have previewed and are fairly close to the scriptures without any serious departure
 
Story:
Bible Reading to be done prior to doing craft:
Matthew 18:7-14, 21-35 Luke 15:3-7, 1 Peter 5:8 or
101 Favorite Stories from the Bible pg 170-171- buy it here

 
http://www.amazon.com/101-Favorite-Stories-Bible-Miller/dp/188527047X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367879141&sr=8-1&keywords=101+favorite+stories+from+the+bible

Video:
My children loved this video!  It kept their attention and they asked to watch it over and over.  Now there has been liberties with having a wolf chase the sheep but they 'get' the idea of the danger.  Also, I included in the craft my own 'bad guy' - the lion.  I did this because I wanted to use the scripture 1 Peter 5:8, 'be sober, be vigilant; because you adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.'

You can find the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZGRubkzUHw

Craft:
Here is the free printable.  You get two this time.
 I drew this for my children and give permission to use this for personal use only.  If you would like to use it for a church group, please feel free to do so.  If you would like to share it on your blog, your are also welcome to do so but please link back to this site only.

http://i1252.photobucket.com/albums/hh562/b2_brown/lionlamb.jpg

http://i1252.photobucket.com/albums/hh562/b2_brown/shepherd99.jpg







Craft Directions:
1.  Click on link and print coloring sheets.  There should be two pages.
2.  Let the kiddos color all the images. 
3. With a parents help (or without if they know how) cut out the images (there will be four - shepherd, lion, single sheep, and group of sheep).
4.  Glue Popsicle stick to the back.
And there you have it!  You will have puppets!  Have your children retell the story to you and to each other using their new puppets.

Now, for a few pics of my little ones working hard on their puppets!

Isaiah

Josh and Gracie hard at work!

My Chidren... are a Bunch of Farm Animals aka Were You Raised in a Barn? Proverbs 14:4

This is a post I wrote back in Dec of 2011 and ran across it the other day.  I wanted to post this as I feel the same now as I did then, maybe even more so now!!!

If there is anything I neglect it unfortunately has to be the scriptures.  I love reading the Bible but rarely find time to sit and just really ‘read’.  Today in a forced sitting…  I had better just interject a few ‘truths’ right now  - #1 I am pregnant with our 8th child and with that I have fierce morning sickness with intestinal issues  and #2, With this pregnancy I am lactose intolerant and accidentally (ahem, a little tongue in cheek) ate cheese ravioli for lunch yesterday.  And not the ‘oh, maybe I shouldn’t have had that pint of Ben and Jerries, I feel a little gassy”,  type of lactose intolerance, oh no, I have the “OH MY, get outta my way, I shouldn’t have nibbled on that tiny 1X1 inch of cheese, move it people, MOVE IT!”.  Most likely, that is NOT the information you expected in this ‘time with the Lord’ experience I am getting ready to share, but hey, get use to it…  I’m sorta gross. 

The little One I was pregnant with - Fiorella

    So here I am… reading (stop thinking gross people) and was rather enjoying  Proverbs 14 when I came upon this verse…  “Where no oxen are, the stable is clean; But much increase comes by the strength of an ox.” Proverbs 14:4.  Not sure why, but this verse just stopped me in my tracks (figuratively speaking as I was sitting, remember?)   Sorry.  I began really thinking on this verse as I start to look around the room…  Anyone want to guess which room?  Man, this is funny to me… I almost can’t help it!  There are articles of clothing, tiny little underpants over in the corner, socks, someone had apparently completely missed the sink while brushing their teeth, and the obvious ‘misses’ that come with having little boys, little dirty finger prints every where.  There was no hiding that there is a small army of children who live here.  And that’s just one small room, a room that like the rest of the house has been pretty neglected by me since really coming down hard with morning sickness just over a week ago.  

Micah, Joshua, Luke, and Isaiah

    Our ‘stables' are certainly not clean - especially not as clean as they typically are.  But you know, that’s not the part of the verse that really touches me.  Yes, our house can get quite dirty…  and I’m somewhat of a freak when it comes to things being ‘neat and in order’.  This week, I saw the house sort of disintegrate before my eyes.  Dishes began to pile up, toys were not in their usual labeled bins, and lets face it, the meals sort of went down hill.  In my disarray and with 6 children 6 years old and under to care for, I found my little oxen helping take care of one another and even me.  There was strength in these little people.  I pride myself on taking care of this brood, training, and having energy to spare but sometimes in our weakness, the Lord shows real strength.    The rest of the verse says “But much increase comes by the strength of an ox”.   I found my 6 year old Luke, helping the smaller children, sitting next to me when I’m throwing up and even helping hold the bucket.  He’d stroke my hair and tell me he’s going to take good care of me.  My 5 year old Hannah helping her sister get her undies on and all of them wanting to help get me a drink when I was thirsty.  I’m amazed by these kids.  I’ve underestimated them - to my own shame I didn’t realize how strong they really were.  

Hannah and Grace

    I often get people being unkind and cynical about the amount of children that we have and that we have openly allowed the Lord to bless our family with children.  I often get the ‘how do you do it?   You really have your hands full!  Are you going to KEEP having more children?”  Some how the scripture “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3 has been lost somewhere along the lines, even the Saints who have seen the growth of our family.  I don’t really blame them… sometimes in the midst of leaky diapers, tantrums, bonked heads, and screaming children, I loose sight that they are my gifts.  

    BUT, the Lord being a God who reminds, brought me to this verse, at the most opportune time.  A time when I could barely get their meals fixed, vomiting, exhausted, and found myself indisposed  or disposal, whichever.  Either way, we may struggle with our messes day in and day out but our messes only prove one thing…  there are children here, blessings from the Lord, of more value than the birds (Matthew 6:26), and with strength like the ox.  With our strength as a bunch of ox, there will be increase.  I hope an increase in kindness, love, and tenderness to each other and those around us.  I hope our outreach and up reach will increase.  I’m all about increase… just look at my children!

How they really act!  What Animals!

    By the way, don’t get me wrong, I don’t look at my children as a bunch of stinky  farm animals though sometimes they smell like it, well, sometimes for that matter, I smell like it.    Did you really think I could END this without a few jokes?

Pottery Barn Airplane Panels Knock Off Give-away!

Have you seen this???  Pottery Barn's Airplane planks?  Ohhhh, I am in love!  Not just love/love, but more stalking it late into the night,  taking pictures of it from the seat of my car, love from from afar, sort of love.  Not only can I Not  afford the $299 price tag on this bad boy, but also I don't know that this is an appropriate use of that amount of money.  But alas, our love was never meant to be.  Parting is such sweet sorrow...  Here's the link to the Pottery Barn version in case you just gotta have this.  Trust me, I understand :) http://www.potterybarn.com/products/planked-airplane-panels/

Add caption

BUT, in true weirdo fashion, there is a close second, one that I'm willing to settle on, I mean come on, it was practically free to make!!  Here, he is, isn't he pretty??  Well, he's no Pottery Barn Plane, but we love him.  I could have straightened him up a bit before taking his picture, but hey, gotta love him, imperfections and all.  He is actually made out of pallet wood so his nail holes and such only add to the charm!


As I am working on the tutorial for this to post on this blog, I will wind up with an extra wall hanging, we already have one in our boys room so here is a chance for you to win one of these for your little guys room, or girl - my girls like planes too!

To enter the contest all you have to do is:

I changed the rules a bit to makes things a bit easier.  No one had entered yet so here are the new, easier changes!

Comment on this post.  It's as easy as that! You can only put your name in once but you may comment all you like!                                                                                                                                                                          

The last day to comment is  June 25th, 2013.  Feel free to 'follow' and 'comment' after that date, but after June 25th, it won't count toward the drawing.  The drawing will be on June 27th and will be announced that day.  I will let everyone know who wins Here on this blog so check back during that time.  At that time the winner will need to send me their address so I may ship this to them, so please keep an eye out in case you are the winner.  

Also check back as I will also be posting the tutorial on how to make this for yourself  if you don't win this contest.  Trust me, it's a lot easier than you think!  Please note, I will make the one I'm giving away a little different.  It will have the same plane but the planks will be a bit different.  Trial and error on my first one really taught me a lot.

I'm excited to give one of these away but equally excited to show you all how to make one of these for your kiddos room without the huge price tag!

PLEASE REMEMBER TO COMMENT ON THIS POST TO ENTER YOUR NAME INTO THE DRAWING!  THANKS!  Also, please feel free to ask any questions about the contest in the comments section!

With all this 'following' the only fair well that seems appropriate is...

Happy Stalking!  

When Bible Felt Goes Terribly Wrong

Some of my children's favorite things to play with happen to be Bible felt characters that were given to us (thank Aunt Julie).  I am often blessed with getting to listen to them act out their perceptions of who God is and Bible stories they remember through play.  What an amazing thing to hear my children talking about God creating, healing, and forgiving  - most of which I am sure I would not get to experience save the fact we received these felt people and animals to use.  I often think to myself, how I need to be more like them with simple faith, remembering the goodness of God in the small things and taking joy in the scriptures as they do.

Every so often though, they surprise me even more.  I will just have to let the picture speak as words escape me...

Yeah, The bear has gas.  Oh yes,  you heard/saw that right, its breaking wind, relieving itself, cutting the cheese, flatulating, I would even venture to say he might have even pooped.  Either way, this is no ordinary gas, no no,  this is bee gas!  All I can think of is...  Beans beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat the more you...  Uhhhmmm yeah, never mind. 

 Try as I may I was unable to find this story of the pooping/gassing bear anywhere in the Holy Word and trust me, I looked!  Gideon, nope, Samson, nope, Elisha, double nope.  No pooping bear. Surprised, right?  After seeing this, I had to choke back laughter as I explained to my children, that this was indeed NOT gas, but rather a swarm of something, maybe bees or locusts.  They seemed confused.

With 7 children 8 and under we tend to flounder in silliness.   It's sort of a way of life here.  I'm all for silliness, but my children can take it to a whole new level so this really shouldn't have surprised me.  

Apparently there are a  number of items in the felt collection that have my children confused, namely my son Micah who happens to be my 'bear poops bees' artist.  For instance this...

This happens to be, in my children's minds, a pair of underpants.  I mean, why wouldn't that make sense?  Nope, couldn't be a cloak with a staff, oh no, underwear are so much more fun!  One would expect a pair of skivvies to be mixed in with the tabernacle lamp stand, the ark, and the men of God!  I wonder who these belong to in the first place?  Moses, you got some explain'n to do!  Ah, better keep these out, someone is bound to be needing them back!

Oh my children...  what funny little people, oh to be like them, well, that is, in some things ;) 

Mixed up Mama's Honey BBQ Chicken Wings

My husband LOVES chicken wings but the store bought wings are a bit to pricey for our budget.  We are working on getting debt free (thanks Dave Ramsey!) so we are often limited to what we can buy each month so chicken wings are never on the menu unless they are these 'from scratch' wings.   These  are so easy and freeze wonderfully so they can be made ahead and just pulled out a few hours before cooking so they can thaw and marinate all at the same time.  I will share the recipe as though you are planning on making batches of these and freezing them for the month. 

 Not only are these wings delicious, gooey, sticky, and one of my husbands favorites, the kids really enjoy them as well.  There are never leftovers.  These have a little spice to them to keep the men folk happy but not enough to deter the small ones.  So try these out for dinner tonight and let me know how you liked them.  Just try not to eat them all yourself  - notice I'm not posting nutritional info nor have I  posted any work outs on here yet, so I'll be no help in that area ;)  I suppose the fact that these are baked and not deep fried helps, right???  

Pictured are my Garlic Cheddar Mashed Potatoes but would go equally as well with baked beans, french fries, or baked potato.  Drool...

Mixed up Mama's Honey BBQ Chicken Wings

18 chicken wings 

2 teaspoon garlic salt
 1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cayenne 

1 cup barbecue sauce, I use Sweet Baby Rays
1/2 cup honey
2 tablespoons ketchup

2 tablespoons hot sauce
4 tablespoons butter melted

Combine all ingredients except wings and mix well.  Place wings in gallon size freezer bag and pour marinade on top.  Press out air, zip to close and throw into the freezer until ready to use.  A few hours prior to cooking take bag out of freezer to thaw/ marinate. Pour entire contents onto a cookie sheet (single layer) and cook uncovered for 40 min at 375.  Remove from oven and try to control yourself!  Just remember, a moment on the lips, a life time on the hips... ah, that's really a stupid saying anyway.

This recipe is my own so if you would like to share it on your blog or site, please just post a link back here to this blog.  Thanks and happy cooking!

 
Here's my little guy Isaiah enjoying his wings!  This boy can eat and gets his food everywhere!

 

Enjoy!

The Paralyzed Man - Jesus Heals and Forgives Art/Craft Project

If you missed it, we home school around these here parts.  A large part of that is having projects that aid the children in remembering lessons whether it be Bible stories, science, or just stories we read together.  Though the cirriculum we use we LOVE http://heartofdakota.com/- we add in a few art projects to drive home what we would like them to really retain.  

I majored in art in college, which just translates into, 'I didn't actually take any real classes', but really enjoyed my time there and love doing 'projects' with my children.  I am offering some of what I have complied for my children to you to use with your little ones, free of charge.  These lessons and crafts are nothing special but they work well with my kids.  If it is a Bible story there will be references that you can read to your child prior to the craft and usually I will have links to short videos from Youtube.com.  I've done all the research and complied everything you should need to teach a lesson they will not forget.  They learn by doing (art), visual (video), and audio (story telling by you).  All of these short films I include here, I have previewed and are fairly close to the scriptures without any serious departure. 

For our Bible, we use the good ol' New King James Bible, and a book called '101 Favorite Stories from the Bible' by Ura Miller.  This is a fairly good book and I typically do not like children's Bible Books.  It is pretty spot on with a few liberties, though not major, here and there.  I usually just skip those parts as I see them coming.  I would highly recommend this book.  I don't get compensated to endorse this book, but I use it with my children 3-8 that home school.  They seem to understand it well and it enjoy it thoroughly.
 

You can find that book here for right around $12.  http://www.amazon.com/101-Favorite-Stories-Bible-Miller/dp/188527047X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367879141&sr=8-1&keywords=101+favorite+stories+from+the+bible

Craft:
Here is the free printable.  I drew this for my children and give permission to use this for personal use only.  If you would like to use it for a church group, please feel free to do so.  If you would like to share it on your blog, your are also welcome to do so but please link back to this site only.

http://i1252.photobucket.com/albums/hh562/b2_brown/paralyzedman.jpg
Directions -

1. Follow link and print.
2. Have your child color the little man, his 2 faces, and mat.
3. Have them cut out all pieces or help them do it.
4. Glue faces to opposite sides of man's head.
5. Punch holes in four corners of mat/carpet (make sure you do not get to close to the edges or it will tear easily).
6. Cut 4 - 12inch pieces of yarn.  Tie one to each corner of mat through holes and tie all four together at other end.  See photo.

Story:
Bible References to Read prior to craft: Matthew 9:2-8, Mark 2:2-12, Luke 5:17-26
or
Read page 152 in '101 Favorite Stories from the Bible'

Video:
I love the use of scripture in this video and it did keep the kids attention but I must confess, the 'glowing' when the man was being healed was a bit silly and I disliked that part, but overall, nice little video. I didn't like that Jesus hair is a very long in this video.  On a fun note,  if you really pay attention, there are some really creepy guys in the crowd - YIKES!  ;)  Also, I do not know anything really about the website it shows on the video - jesuswonder.com I think it was, so I could not tell you what they stand for.  I will try to look into those things in the future. 

My kids always look forward to the video time as I have popcorn ready for a snack.  Makes our time together even more enjoyable!  Here is a link to the video.  Enjoy and Happy Teaching!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxkJAvm5UKs&feature=youtube_gdata_player  


Here's my daughter Hannah with her finished art project.  Look how sad that poor guy is on his mat :(

Now here he is...  so happy and healed!!!

I will be adding more crafts + lesson plans so check back.  If you have a Bible story you would like to see on here, please leave me that info in the comments!  Be on the look out for: Jesus Heals the Man with Leprosy, Jesus Calls Peter to Be a Fisher of Men (with video and activity!), Jesus turns Water into Wine.

I'm a clean freak in crisis...

 

I fancy myself a clean freak, well, more like a reasonable clean freak.  One may say that I pretend and role play being one and that mostly I'm just a freak.  Whatever.  Either way, I work hard at pretending that I keep my home decently well.  Apparently I am not as clean as I like to imagine that I am. 

 

All I know is, I am certain I washed my hands well after applying several coats of Mentholatum Deep heating rub to my husband's back...  and just let me clarify here - they do mean DEEP heating.  Maybe they should have called it 'This will take your mind off your aching back by searing off most of your flesh and severely damaging your nerves' rub (though I have a feeling that the name itself would be to long to fit the tube and may actually deter people from buying the stuff.  Maybe, just maybe, it would save a few people from the skin grafts that I suspect will follow from using it).  Really, a warning that you need a burn permit to use the product might be nice. 

 

Before you ask, yes, I DID wash my hands with both soap and water, tho apparently my idea of clean has greatly diminished since having kids because as I sit here typing, I'm nearly drooling all over the keyboard.  Why you ask?  Good question.  I honestly don't know.  I believe it may be that invisible force field like residue that was left on my skin after washing, or the fact that my long nails harbored the burning hot ointment up to my mouth, but either way, here I sit with my cheek, lips, and corner of my mouth burning and oddly numb.  I'm drooling terribly... Well it'th thorta hard to thpeak right now becauthe I'm thpitin'  every where.  

Now I question my hand washing skills, which in turn makes me wonder exactly how well I really clean things!  My world is crumbling!  I don't even know myself anymore.  My family now seems destined for a salmonella outbreak from my under cleansed counters, or worse...  Feeling a bit like an episode of 'Hoarders' right now.  Don't touch my stuff...  Eh, maybe not.  I suppose I will just settle with the idea, nothing could have taken this stuff off my skin, tho turpentine might be an option next time.  

 

Well, for now at least I had better go check on the husband, help him slip into his flame retardant pj's, and see if he is ready for the skin grafts he is bound to need.  That is, I'll check on  him once I go clean those kitchen counters one last time.